The Big One Happened at NASCAR’s Talladega
Death, taxes, and THE BIG ONE. No matter how hard NASCAR tries and no matter how “talented” NASCAR drivers are, THE BIG ONE is coming when the stars and cars of the Monster Energy Cup roll through the gates at Daytona International Speedway and Talladega Super Speedway. During today’s Geico 500, the pack was duking it out at ‘Dega and the fireworks started with just 20 laps to go.
As Fox broadcasters Darrell Waltrip and Jeff Gordon were rolling up their sleeves saying stuff like “It’s gonna get good now,” and “Now is when ya move the guy in front of ya,” drivers congealed three, four and five wide around the high banks. As the TV crew was blabbing about how second place driver Chase Elliot’s car was starting to get “happier” in clean air near the front, A.J. Allmendinger pulled a “shake & bake” giving the hind end of Elliot’s #24 Hooters entry a nudge in the corner. The cameras were zoomed in tight on Elliot’s car giving viewers an awesome look at the nucleus of A BIG ONE. Elliot turned right into the wall at two bills then the melee ensued. To quote the late, great NHRA starter Buster Couch “Stuff started flyin’ every damn where.”
Elliot’s car climbed the fence (backwards) after being center-punched while the perpetrator Allmendinger wound up on his lid. Regular pot-stirrers Joey Lagano, Matt Keselowski and Martin Truex were other driers whose cars suffered dire consequences along with Danica Patrick who ping-ponged off the infield wall as a result of the carnage. Everyone was A-OK thanks to NASCAR’s new for 2017 “safety cage” at the superspeedway races.
When all the hay was in the barn, the hot dogs eaten, and one million gallons of Budweiser had been chugged, young charger Ricky Stenhouse Jr prevailed, breaking a 101-race winless streak for Jack Roush’s team. Boogedy, boogedy, boogedy boys. Checkers or wreckers!